If that was your dad, he is hot
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
