And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
