Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
