I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
