if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
