Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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