How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
