Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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