I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I want to fling myself into the sun
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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