you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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