So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
