I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
