I'm going to jail i love you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
