I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
