remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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