what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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