remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
