well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
