Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
