We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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