Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
