so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize