dude i'm inner monologue high
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
