We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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