If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
