It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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