I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
