Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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