I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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