Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
