he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
