Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize