I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
