So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
