we have pet lesbian snakes
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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