is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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