some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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