Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
