When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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