..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
