I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
