I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
