i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
