so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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