Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
