so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We're hate flirting, damnit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
