end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize