He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
