were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize