Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
