i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
