I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
