The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
