that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize