I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
