I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
