i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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