I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
