I hate all girls vehemently.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize