the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
