Don't you send me to vm
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
