I showed him my bush... on skype.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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