You made me cry and you don't even care
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize