i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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