my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
