i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
