All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
