well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize