Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
