he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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